Constantine P. Cavafy - Understanding
The years of my youth, my sensual life --
how clearly I see their meaning now.
What needless repentances, how futile....
But I did not understand the meaning then.
In the dissolute life of my youth
the desires of my poetry were being formed,
the scope of my art was being plotted.
This is why my repentances were never stable.
And my resolutions to control myself, to change
lasted for two weeks at the very most.
Does the life of every youth have to be a dissolute one. God has given us the moral absolute, but it's difficult to follow. Sometimes it dosen't seem worth fighting.
Around me, I can just sense that the moral standards are going down. Like what Rev John said: ADULTERY has become extramarital affairs, LUST has become HOMMONES, RAPE becomes CRIME OF PASSION. What God gave Moses at Mount Sinai were Ten Commandments, not Ten Suggestions.
Don't people bother to be right anymore?
"In the dissolute life of my youth
the desires of my poetry were being formed,
the scope of my art was being plotted.
It seems doing the wrong things are okay because you're "exploring" or plotting the scope of your art. There's logic in there because you have to try something before you know it's bad or good. Of course it has to be reasonable. Some say that we should listen to adults who have been through it before. Well, firstly, where would the excitment in the unknown be? Secondly, sometimes, you just got to try things to confirm.
But does this give youth the right to disregard advice, put on the superhero suit of rebellion and throw caution to the wind?
We are so act cool man. Sincerety is becoming a rarity. All the more then, when I come across a gem, hopefully i'll learn how to cherish it.
This is why my repentances were never stable.
And my resolutions to control myself, to change
lasted for two weeks at the very most."
This sounds like a person with no role model. Qualify role model: It's not a person that you follow word for word, action for action. Rather, it's a person whose attitude you adopt, whose lessons learnt from you consider correct. There's still so many varibles to alter to form your individuality.
Today's quiet time made me consider if I was single-handedly taking the helms of my life or like having a belayer in rock climbing entrusting a person to support you. I think I'm the captain of my ship. Sounds dandy, but it's not something that I want.
Just pray that God will give me some sign. It's not easy for a person like me. But I guess, that's what everybody thinks of themselves.
Read a lot of stuff today, haven't been reflecting for a long time. If you got the time, really encourage you to read. This excerpt is esp for people serving God.
Self-righteous service comes through human effort...True service comes from a relationship with the divine Other deep inside. We serve out of whispered promptings, divine urgings...Self-righteous service is impressed with the "big deal"...True service finds it hard to distinguish the small from the large service...Self-righteous service requires external rewards. It needs to see that people see and appreciate the effort. True service rests in hiddeness. It does not fear the lights and blare of attention, but it does not seek them out either...Self-righteous service is highly concerned with results...True service is free of the need to calculate results. It delights only in service...Self-righteous service picks and chooses whom to serve...True service is indiscriminate in its ministry...Self-righteous service is affected by moods and whims...True service ministers simply and faithfully because there is a need. Self-righteous service is temporary. It functions only while the specific acts of service are being performed. Having served, it can rest easy. True service is a lifestyle. It acts from ingrained patterns of living. It springs spontaneously to meet human need...Self-righteous service is insensitive. It insists on meeting the need even when to do so would be destructive. It demands the opportunity to help. True service can withhold the service as easily as perform it. It can listen with tenderness and patience before acting. It can serve by waiting in silence. Self-righteous service fractures community...True service builds community...It draws, binds, heals, builds.
I really pray that I'm not serving out of human effort. Honestly, I'm really happy when I hear complements, it really brightens up my day and affirms my channel of service. However, when do all these "happyness" amount to arrogance? It seems weird when people complement you then you say: "Glory to God!" but u still feel happy. Aren't you feeling happy cuz the "glory" came to you in the first place? Perhaps this is overthinking. I shouldn't let these compliments stumble me. God knows that humans need encouragement and find joy in the compliments of others.
Went to esplanade today with my family where we had a wonderful dinner at the Jap restaurant. Were trying to shout "Irashimase!" to trigger the train of waiters to say the same thing. Unsucceessful, but we had fun nonetheless. Sense of wellbeing was at a all time high during this exam season. Thank God for my Family, my mom, pamela, and justin. Definately not forgetting my dad who is in such a better place with God.
The world now is not a very nice place to live in now especially with the three hurricanes on the loose and the dangee bout looming the motherland.
But there's still hope! ha, bought a Jazz Cd: Jazz in... Singapore Wow. Want to go to the places where you can find these people. But have no idea how to get there. When the hols come hope to go=)
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